time to smoke my breakfast
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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