I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
