just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
