Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize