He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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