I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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