Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
