you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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