I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
pop tarts are not kleenex
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
