im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
