What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
