Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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