i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
