Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize