god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
