i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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