Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize