I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
