so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
