I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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