i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
