Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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