Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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