My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
