i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
