If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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