I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
