new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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