so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
