You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
