you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
