your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize