The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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