R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
