...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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