i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
