My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
