Where is the hickey?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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