i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize