I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think my fart just growled at me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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