I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
