Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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