Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
