He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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