we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
