I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
