They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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