Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
