my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
