please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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