After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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