she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize