I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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