smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
