Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
