if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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