He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
