Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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