The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
