You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
