He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
