It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
