If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
