I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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