One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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