You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
