someone owes me an orgasm
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
