so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
