I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's blow job season.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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