I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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