you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
