Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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