brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
