Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
