he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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