i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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