So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
