I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
