If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
