I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize