Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
