I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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