conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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