Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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