I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
