Are we in a gay sports bar?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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