I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
