Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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