No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
