DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
