Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Please don't give away my fajitas
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
