I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
