Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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