party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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