yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
