This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Randomize
