Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
