Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
