Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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