i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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