i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
