you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
