I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
