I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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