During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
