I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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