Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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