The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
