Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
