i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
