This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
my liver is dry heaving
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
