Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
